Jokes

INDIAN AIRLINES

"Ladies and Gentlemen, I am sorry to inform you that we have lost power to all of our engines and will shortly crash into the ocean".
The passengers were obviously very worried about this situation but were somewhat comforted by the captain's next announcement: "Ladies and Gentlemen, we at Indian Airlines have prepared for such an emergency and we would now like you to rearrange your seating so that all the non-swimmers are on the left side of the plane and all the swimmers are on the right side of the Plane."
After this announcement all the passengers re-arranged their seating to comply with the captain's request. Two minutes later the captain made a belly landing in the ocean. The captain once again made an announcement:
"Ladies and Gentlemen we have crashed into the ocean. All of the swimmers on the right side of the plane open your emergency exits and quickly swim away from the plane. For all of the non-swimmers on the left side of plane... Thank You For Flying Indian Airlines."

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SUPER COMPUTER

The Super Computer stood at the end of the Computer Company's production line. At which point the guided tour eventually arrived. The salesman stepped forward to give his prepared demo.
"This", he said, "is the Super Computer. It will give an intelligent answer to any question you may care to ask it".
At which a Clever Guest stepped forward - there is always one - and spoke into the Computer's microphone.
"Where is my father?" he asked.
There was a whirring of wheels and flashing of lights that the manufacturers always use to impress lay people, and then a little card popped out.
On it were printed the words: Fishing off Goa.
Clever Guest laughed.
"Actually", he said, "My father is dead"!
It had been a tricky question! The salesman, carefully chosen for his ability to think fast on his feet, immediately replied that he was sorry the answer was unsatisfactory, but as computers were precise, perhaps he might care to rephrase his question and try again?
Clever Guest thought, went to the Computer and this time said, "Where is my mother's husband?"
Again there was a whirring of wheels and a flashing of lights. And again a little card popped out. Printed on it were the words, "Dead. But your father is still fishing off Goa."

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TECHNICALLY CORRECT!!!

A helicopter was flying above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to steer to the airport.The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritten sign and held it up in the helicopter window.The pilot's sign said, "Where am I?" in large letters.The people in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign and held it to the window of their building.Their sign read, "You are in a helicopter."The pilot smiled, waved, looked at the map, determined the course to steer to the SEATAC airport and landed safely.After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how the "You are in a helicopter" sign helped determine their position.The pilot responded, "I knew that had to be the Microsoft building because, similar to their help-lines, they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer!"

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