General Motors Vs Microsoft...

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon.

"In response to Mr. Gates` comments, General Motors issued the following press release (by Mr. Welch himself, the GM CEO: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice daily.
2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally, executing a maneuver, such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
4. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought "Car95" or "CarNT". But then you would have to buy more seats.
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive.
6. The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would be replaced by one "general car default" warning light.
7. New seats would force everyone to have the samesize bottom.
8. The airbag system would ask ("Are you sure?" before going off).
9. Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
10. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary),even though they neither need nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car`s performance to diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice department.
11. Every time GM introduced a new model car,buyers would have to learn driving all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
12. You`d press the "start" button to shut off the engine.

Jokes

INDIAN AIRLINES

"Ladies and Gentlemen, I am sorry to inform you that we have lost power to all of our engines and will shortly crash into the ocean".
The passengers were obviously very worried about this situation but were somewhat comforted by the captain's next announcement: "Ladies and Gentlemen, we at Indian Airlines have prepared for such an emergency and we would now like you to rearrange your seating so that all the non-swimmers are on the left side of the plane and all the swimmers are on the right side of the Plane."
After this announcement all the passengers re-arranged their seating to comply with the captain's request. Two minutes later the captain made a belly landing in the ocean. The captain once again made an announcement:
"Ladies and Gentlemen we have crashed into the ocean. All of the swimmers on the right side of the plane open your emergency exits and quickly swim away from the plane. For all of the non-swimmers on the left side of plane... Thank You For Flying Indian Airlines."

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SUPER COMPUTER

The Super Computer stood at the end of the Computer Company's production line. At which point the guided tour eventually arrived. The salesman stepped forward to give his prepared demo.
"This", he said, "is the Super Computer. It will give an intelligent answer to any question you may care to ask it".
At which a Clever Guest stepped forward - there is always one - and spoke into the Computer's microphone.
"Where is my father?" he asked.
There was a whirring of wheels and flashing of lights that the manufacturers always use to impress lay people, and then a little card popped out.
On it were printed the words: Fishing off Goa.
Clever Guest laughed.
"Actually", he said, "My father is dead"!
It had been a tricky question! The salesman, carefully chosen for his ability to think fast on his feet, immediately replied that he was sorry the answer was unsatisfactory, but as computers were precise, perhaps he might care to rephrase his question and try again?
Clever Guest thought, went to the Computer and this time said, "Where is my mother's husband?"
Again there was a whirring of wheels and a flashing of lights. And again a little card popped out. Printed on it were the words, "Dead. But your father is still fishing off Goa."

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TECHNICALLY CORRECT!!!

A helicopter was flying above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to steer to the airport.The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritten sign and held it up in the helicopter window.The pilot's sign said, "Where am I?" in large letters.The people in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign and held it to the window of their building.Their sign read, "You are in a helicopter."The pilot smiled, waved, looked at the map, determined the course to steer to the SEATAC airport and landed safely.After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how the "You are in a helicopter" sign helped determine their position.The pilot responded, "I knew that had to be the Microsoft building because, similar to their help-lines, they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer!"

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iPod Nano... Musically Yours!!!

iPod nano 4GB, WhiteImpossibly small! Take everything you love about iPod and shrink it. Now shrink it again. With 4GB (1,000 songs) models, the pencil-thin iPod nano packs the entire iPod experience into an impossibly small design. So small, it will take your music places you never dreamed of.
Features:
* Believe Your Ears: Call it astonishing. Unbelievable. Impossible, even. Then pick it up and hold it in your hand. Take in the brilliant color display. Run your thumb around the Click Wheel. Put on the earbuds and turn up your music. That’s when everything becomes clear: It’s an iPod.
* It holds up to three days’ worth of music. It plays for up to 14 hours between battery charges. It displays the color album art for the song you’re listening to right now. It carries your photos, podcasts and audiobooks. It syncs seamlessly with iTunes. It connects to a host of iPod accessories. Simply put, iPod nano is 100-percent iPod. And then some.
* Touch and Go: iPod nano’s Click Wheel puts music under your thumb. Click to fast-forward, rewind, play, pause or access menus. Use the touch-sensitive surface to control volume or browse music. You can do it all without looking. But with an iPod this beautiful, who’d want to?
* Song Stylings: Add accessories to your iPod nano via the Dock connector and headphone jack and your music will always keep up with you — at home, on the go, even in your car. Of course, in either signature white or sleek black, iPod nano itself makes the ultimate accessory.
* Up to 4GB of skip-free storage on a featherweight iPod means you can wear almost three days’ worth of music around your neck. Or jog with 1,000 songs on your arm. Now that you can take your music everywhere, there’s no limit to where it will take you.
* Holds up to 1,000 songs and full-color album art
* Only 3.5 x 1.6 x 0.27 inches and 1.5 ounces
* Bright 1.5-inch color LCD display
* Up to 14 hours of battery life
* Apple Click Wheel
* Charges and syncs via USB
* Accessory-compatible Dock connector
* Completely skip-free playback
* Works with Mac OS X or Windows 2000/XP
* Plays music, podcasts and audiobooks
* Syncs contacts, calendars and to-do lists
Specifications:
Storage and song capacity: 4GB (1,000 songs)
Battery life: Up to 14 hours of music playback; up to 4 hours of slideshows with music
Display: 1.5-inch (diagonal) color LCD with LED backlight iPod Ports: Dock connector, stereo minijackConnectivity: USB through Dock connector
Charge time: About 3 hours (1.5-hour fast charge to 80% capacity)
Audio support: AAC (16 to 320 Kbps), Protected AAC (from iTunes Music Store), MP3 (16 to 320 Kbps), MP3 VBR, Audible (formats 2, 3 and 4), Apple Lossless, WAV, AIFF
Photo support: Syncs iPod-viewable photos in JPEG, BMP, GIF, TIFF, PSD (Mac only) and PNG formats
Size (in inches): 3.5 x 1.6 x 0.27Weight: 1.5 ounces
Included software: iTunes for Mac and Windows
Included accessories: Earbud headphones, USB cable, Dock adapter